A TIME TO DECIDE
Now that we have looked at some of the common emotions you probably are facing,
it is time to learn how to cope with those emotions in healthy and helpful ways.
with guilt is going to be different than your partners experience with it.
The injured persons experience of guilt (if there is one at all) usually
comes from an ill-founded sense that they are somehow responsible for the affair.
This is not the case, and I have tried to help them realize that this is not the
case throughout the previous two sections of the book.
are responsible for the affair. Even if your partner was horrible to you, you
are still the one who chose to have an affair. That means that the guilt you are
feeling actually is justified and should be part of your experience as you heal.
good thing about guilt is that it shows you care, and it gives you a good road
sign so you know youve done something wrong. Problems develop when guilt
is taken to extremes and people get so bogged down in it that they feel constantly
tormented. This is problematic because it doesnt serve anything, and it
can get in the way of the healing process.
how to forgive yourself and be compassionate with yourself is difficult for most
people. We all expect so much out of ourselves that we dont allow much space
for this type of self-care. Self-forgiveness is especially difficult when you
have done something wrong, and in the process, hurt people that you care about,
as is the case with an affair.
dont want to forgive yourself so quickly and so easily that you minimize
what you did. Your feelings of guilt exist for a reason. Dont try and forgive
yourself so that you can get this difficult period over with. That isnt
helpful either. You cant get away with saying, Im sorry for
what I did, now lets move on and forget about it. This attitude of
quickly moving on minimizes and discounts your partners feelings.
partners are bound to feel lonely when they are confronted with an affair, but
the cheater often feels greater loneliness than the injured because they are often
removed from more of the people they once relied on for human contact and support.
This includes their partner, the person they were having the affair with, and,
in some cases, friends and family.
recommended that you get in touch with the people who care about you for support,
but that you not to go to your friends as the constant sad sack.
thing to be aware of when engaging with other people is that you make sure that
your partner knows what you are doing, that you arent with the person you
were involved with or anyone else who could remotely be a threat to your relationship,
and when you are coming home.
addition, you dont want to use these opportunities as a way to engage in
more illicit behavior. Do not take someone out to lunch that you are attracted
to or who is attracted to you. Better still, avoid meeting one-on-one with anyone
of your preferred gender. That isnt a solution; it just compounds the problem.
Know yourself. Watch yourself. And give yourself what you need, within very safe
How To Survive Infidelity
1: How to start the healing process after an affair
Part 2: How to cope with
initial trauma of the affair
Part 3: How to take control of your emotions and
Part 4: How to get the images out of your mind
Part 5: How to
talk about the details of the affair
Part 6: Why the affair happened and how
to prevent it from happening again
Part 7: Steps for restoring the trust back
into the relationship
Learn more - click
for Internet Affairs:
the Sniperspy monitoring software on the computer with both parties aware of the
situation. This will curb their easy intent to go back on the computer and especially
to do a risky "act".
Read my Ebook on How
to Stop Internet Infidelity
software records all typing, all passwords, and shows you all the sites they visit.
Click here for more info.
people who have no secrets have nothing to hide.