of Cheating Spouse
are some signs of a cheating spouse: (substitute the word she for he, if you like.)
1. There most
likely will be more than one other person. He sees affairs as conquests, usually
sexual, and not as a place to find intimacy. Actually he lacks many of the tools
and the mind set to have intimate relationships. He most likely will move from
one conquest to another. His gratification on a basic level remains primary.
He will have little internal conflict about the affair. This differs markedly
from the person who can't say no. Your spouse will view the affair or affairs
as entitlement. He deserves them. He deserves to be adored. He deserves to have
excitement and personal gratification in his life. He has earned it. There is
nothing wrong with this. Actually others, perhaps you included, ought to understand
3. He will
operate in a world that supports his illusion and behavior. He will surround himself
with those who look the other way or actually encourage his philandering behavior.
You will probably not find yourself welcomed in this world. He and his colleagues
and friends collude to maintain their world.
You might run into a problem with the other person or persons. Remember the movie,
Fatal Attraction? The other person might attach herself to him with specific expectations
to be cared for and perhaps married - perhaps part of his strategy in his conquest
efforts. When she is "dumped" or the expectations fail to materialize
she may pursue revenge. You might be involved.
You may not experience a great deal of conflict with him. There is no talk of
divorce. Your life might be quite copasetic - unless you rock the boat. He has
his playtime and you fill another specific role of quiet support. Keep the balance
and life moves along fairly seamlessly.
There is one problem, however. The problem of aging. Depending on his social context,
you might become a liability as you increasingly fail to project a young attractive
vibrant image. He wants those around him to reflect back beauty and perfection.
If you fail in this regard you may be cast aside. Part of this depends on the
financial cost of such "trade-in."
His fragile, illusionary world and yours may crumble if he encounters failure.
Failure is his "Achilles heel." Unfortunately, the distortion and illusion
he lives under do not always coincide with reality. He pushes and bends the rules
to his advantage. He may not pay close attention to the consequences of his behavior.
Those consequences - legal, financial or health - may bite him at some point.
He most likely will count on you to be there for him, to cry on your shoulder
(perhaps literally) and help him regain his confidence.
Robert Huizenga, The Infidelity Coach, has helped hundreds of couples over the
past two decades heal from the agony of cheating spouse affairs and surviving
infidelity - Click
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