Reality Ruins Romance

Reality Ruins Romance


Topics Reality Ruins Romance
Cyber Cheating Online
Cybersex Addiction
Internet Addiction Problems
Internet Infidelity
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Online Fantasies
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Reality Ruins Romance

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Reality Ruins Romance

Can one maintain a relationship during internet infidelity or any infidelity for that matter?

I thought this was a really great explanation of what is occurring when internet romance intercedes in a chatcheater's life. It is written from the victim's point of view and contributed by one of our members who I will call Annette. Thank you.

reality ruins romanceFantasy creates the illusion of perfection and harmony. In this world of ever-changing technology there are a myriad of ways to achieve perfection. An illusionist can be perceived as they wish without any flaws or ugly realities discovered.

They can be the most charming and beautiful person in the world. No one will see them without their make up or clipping their toenails. No one will ever know if they have bad breath and bogeys. No one will see their haughty attitude or hatefulness to a waitress. We only see what they chose to reveal. They can portray to have the same values and ideas as whomever they interact with.

It is really easy to fall in love with someone so perfect. How nice it is to find someone so seemingly matched to you. This illusionist mirrors your thoughts and validates your perceptions. They can be conservative or liberal, opinionated or laid-back, hyper or docile. Whatever the circumstances or feelings you project this person follows. Like leading an orchestra, you escort the way to your heart’s secrets. Whether you love puppies or necrophilia, they do too…immensely.

At first, this illusion may feel a little scripted. But when faced with day to day dramas, this is a great escape. Someone who values you and everything you say and stand for is very validating, albeit strange. The strangeness just adds to the excitement and you catch yourself pushing the envelope just to see how far you can go. Can you talk candidly about anal sex without freaking them out? Probably they will discuss anything (without reason) and say exactly the right things with each conversation.

Why would someone become so compliant and complimentary? It is so simple. You have become one of them. They don’t want to lose the sensation of excellence that you have created for them. You are the same person to them that they are to you. You are perfect and without flaws while confirming faith in them. How invigorating to interact with someone who believes in you so completely. Every ugly word and bad deed you’ve ever performed is undone. It’s like a complete life do-over. Neither of you really know the human truths about the other, but you believe with hope that you do.

With all this happy perfection going around it is easy to look away from reality. There lays the problematic pitfall to this daydream. There are real life consequences to this fantasy that are often overlooked. Do you really yearn to deal with daily life dramas effectively? Or would you rather put off decisions and discussions that seem rather dull and ordinary? With very little effort you can create and escape hatch from the real world and be absorbed in fantastic fantasy. This disconnection from real life makes everything seem black and white, while the fantasy is colorized and high definition.

Unfortunately real world realities hold no allure anymore. A picturesque sunset is overlooked and a beautiful song is unsung. All of life’s real treasures don’t seem to hold the sparkle they once did. Holding hands with the one who knows the imperfect you seems ridiculous. Connecting with family and friends seems like more of a chore than a delight. Sadly, your life seems to be on hold. Even sadder is the fact that your fantasy person is probably missing out on life too. Regrettably this is not because you two have some sort of destiny, but because you’ve disillusioned yourself and each other.

On the flip side, reality ruins romance. Up close and personal contact on a daily basis reveals the true nature of human beings. You get to see warts, smell farts and deal with human nature directly. Romance is difficult to maintain under such circumstances. Ailments, arguments and assh*les are clearly in your face. The magnetism of the “fantastic” beckons you with each daily mundane interaction.

Why talk openly to a partner about finances, family or fidelity? The “fantastic” will agree with your every word. In real life you might encounter a difference of opinion or get ensnared in a deep discussion. You possibly abandon efforts to maintain romance with a significant other for the allure of this ever elusive fantasy. While your flesh and blood partner aches with desire for a deeper connection, you chose the fantasy with the “fantastic”. This connection seems almost spiritual. How nice to not have to deal with imperfection. You are the smartest, sweetest most wonderful person they know.

You have unwittingly participated in diminishing your own capacity for pleasure. The possibility of you enjoying normalcy retreats as you strive for this insincere excellence. The parts of yourself that you give to your fantasy are removed from your reality. Romantic gestures are saved for the “falsely fantastic”. As your duplicity and dishonesty haunt your heart you disconnect from the ones requiring accountability.

How many real life smiles have you left unreturned? How many possibilities for true life interaction have you passed up? You have weakened your capacity for genuine happiness. You have turned your back on authentic human relations to substitute it with this fantasy. Close family and friends notice how you are going through the motions of life without seeming to experience it. You are often irritated with any life drama that pulls you away from your beloved.

It’s never too late to come back down to earth and be human. Releasing yourself from the unrealistic expectations you’ve created can be quite a load off your shoulders. Ok, so you may have some explaining to do and everything may not feel warm and fuzzy. Eventually you can open your mind to the insecurity of your heart. Everyone wants to be perfectly fantastic. None of us are. It’s OK to be human. Once you wrap your brain around being real, things will come back to you.

Go slow and embrace each minute of life for the magnificent miracle that it is. You may seem numbed for a while, but a child’s smile will soon warm your heart as it did previously. An intense electrical storm can mesmerize you, just like before. You just have to open your heart and let go of your pride. You may have a few relapses back in to the fantasy world, but soon you will view these as the counterfeit charades they truly are.

Will the magnetism of your fantasy world ever quit pulling at you? Only you can stop the wasteful exchanges. You may have to hurt some feelings. That will be the toughest thing for you to do. You won’t want to ruin seeming so perfect, even to someone who hasn’t earned real life position. You will hope they just go away, and some will without any drama. Others who have built their real lives around this unreality will be unwilling to let go. Those folks will need a push that can only come from you. Realize that these boundaries have to be set in order for you to recover your own real life.

You will have some hard times with the people you have left to their own devices. Hopefully they have not unearthed the same escape route from life that you have utilized. Wouldn’t it be a shame if the ones you reach out to are not there for you? Real life is difficult. Fairy tales lead us to believe the opposite. Unfortunately tales are tales no matter who the narrator is. Kissing frogs and holding out hope for a prince isn’t healthy or smart. Work hard to surround yourself with the love and happiness that is tangible.

Courtesy: Annette, Internet Infidelity Group Member

Please note: The suggestions and advice offered on this web site are opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice. If you or someone close to you is currently in crisis or in an emergency situation, contact your local emergency 911 or a Counselor nearby