the greatest homegrown threat to marital bliss may be your personal computer coupled
with the internet.The key factor that makes any behavior dangerous is when it
has a negative impact on your life. Thus with the negative impact of the internet,
we call the internet the "Relationship Breaker". Ridding your relationship
of internet addiction, is not quite as simple as keying the instruction control/alt/delete
into a troublesome computer.
What makes cheating
easier is a lack of one's self control due to many factors. To cheat on your spouse,
who you've promised to be honorable to, is to break a lifelong promise and demonstrate
that you can't be trusted (because you can't keep your word). A person who can't
control their urges in this regard doesn't respect their spouse, and they don't
respect themselves. The internet is just more accessible and has more options
available with more convenience, so it simply gets chosen more often.
situations many times start out as: staying in touch with an old friend, internet
chat rooms, playing internet games, viewing porn. Many times what happens is an
emotional need is not met in your relationship and the situation escalates. Your
spouse turns to the internet interest quite innocently or is it so
innocent? for support, comfort and fun. They reveal their innermost thoughts,
problems, hidden desires, needs and feelings to a complete stranger who listens
and responds with compassion and interest. They tell the other person they are
getting a divorce or that their relationship/marriage is terrible or even that
they are single.
people that are married that are in chat rooms do not believe that what they're
doing is a form of cheating, is a form of infidelity, at all. Some individuals
tell me if they had told their spouse about the flirting that it might even be
okay. WHAT! People don't believe their significant other will actually meet the
other person. You open their email and what you see will ShOcK
you. If you open their emails be prepared for what you
will see, make sure you have a close friend on hand or join a support
group. Their emails make you numb.
me tell you spouses have left their spouses and children for a complete stranger
and have even gone to foreign countries. Yes they have left without even meeting
the stranger literally. They base this on a picture and emails. Sadly most, do
not see it coming until you have reached this web site.
Infidelity Computer Tips
of hammering your computer to death,|
short-term solution if you have an internet cheater, is to monitor their activities
on the net. Ideally you should be able to convince them that you can install the
recording software with their knowledge and permission. If they have nothing
to hide what are they afraid of?
know many of you will say isn't this a violation of their privacy to install the
software without their knowledge? Yes but it brings the affair out in the open
so you can save your marriage. Sure given time one might see more signs of internet
infidelity, but timing is crucial here. The more time you give your spouse to
be on the net the more opportunity there is to form emotional involvement and
contact for both your spouse and the Other Person. The Other Person's intent is
probably to find a new spouse in most cases. They do not care about you.
out what is really going on before it is too late. Many times it is very common
for a cheating partner to send emails, nude pics., cards, jokes, etc. at the start.
This then escalates into very explicit and sexual emails.
is the very best software.
This will prevent them from the temptation to
chat, send emails, etc. at home. This software can only be installed on a computer
you own. People who have nothing to hide don't need secrecy. What should you do
Many couples find this a great remedy while the spouse gets through
this rough phase.
Agree to install PC monitoring or filtering software so your spouse - wife, husband,
boyfriend, or girlfriend - can regain trust and you have proof that they are not
cheating while online. Keep the monitoring software on the computer temporarily
until you feel secure. There is no set time on how long it takes to rebuild trust.
Although I recommend
the Sniperspy software to find out if they are cheating, it is imperative that
both partners seek an understanding as to why his/her is behaving this way.
Internet Infidelity Destroys
of the problems with internet addiction is that it is such a compulsive behavior
and it is very difficult to get your "significant other" or spouse off
of the internet. I am very sure that most couples have never even thought to talk
about what is acceptable to their relationship regarding internet activities i.e.
or views on porn, playing net games or chatting with someone, of the opposite
sex until the situation escalates out of control. I am sure if cybersex occurs
you would --wouldn't you?
are a few tips if you feel you are facing internet infidelity:
let them use the internet if they are bored, stressed out, or mad. Minimize the
usage of the internet for a specific purpose like banking. You will have to find
replacements for them such as real life activities or hobbies for them to participate
in. If they are mad they will go directly back to the other person for comfort.
The other person is giving them emotional support.
let them talk to or communicate with old school friends of the opposite sex.
for dating site, chat rooms and same sex logins as a lot of married spouses are
joining. One common site is Paltalk - they can actually view live sex on their
free by signing up. There is a ton of single women in there looking for a man.
Also they can post free ads in Craigslist.org.
you see a private email address talk to them about sharing one new email address.
them up and outdoors.
one, and only, answer here is to stop internet infidelity the sooner the better
but your spouse has to agree.
to Expose the Affair:
Spouses wrongly assume that talking about
the details of internet infidelity will only create more upset, but it's actually
the road to rebuilding.
Learning the truth brings a great sense of relief
and brings sense to the persons experience.
they are addicted to the net, this will help the addict identify their values
and formulate ideas about how honesty can be helpful to the relationship with
your partner and their
recovery. Have the addict be specific about setting goals for honesty.
really need to feel you know each other inside and out - when you have an affair,
you build a wall between yourself and your partner, so in order heal you have
to tear that wall down.
lets the unfaithful partner express empathy for the pain he or she caused, and
it gives the injured partner a chance to communicate what he or she needs to feel
okay again. Make your spouse aware of this.
the affair so you can start to heal faster and timing is critical - the sooner
questioning and obsessive searching for clues of continued infidelity are usually
a part of rebuilding trust. If you are obsessive with facts then accept this as
to also expose the affair so that the couples can go for therapy: Maybe there
are other issues leading up to the infidelity.
you can rebuild trust. The cheater needs to change their behavior so the spouse
has the capacity to trust again.
Also your trauma will continue until you
To Stop Internet Infidelity
JANE - A CASE STUDY OF INTERNET INFIDELITY
Woman's True Heartbreaking Struggle with Internet Infidelity
also known as The Relationship Breaker
you need to know about Internet Infidelity
As told to AskMaple, Infidelity Survivor and Advisor,
a new untold story and case study plus proven methods to deal with internet infidelity,
marital advise and more.
As seen in Oprah Magazine September
- Cheaters Beware! True Stories of Betrayal and Cybersleuthing - features
my Internet infidelity support group -- a group of dedicated inspiring people
who have survived internet infidelity
get my new ebook on
"How to Stop Internet Infidelity"
Infidelity is so slick spouses feel like they are meeting their soul mate.
if Your Spouse Works on the Computer
is imperative that both partners seek an understanding as to why his/her is behaving
this way. Each and every one of our behaviors is designed to attain a particular
is a strategy designed to achieve something. Once we have defined the undesirable
behavior we need to identify the logic behind that behavior. Get them to identify
the gain, and tell them why it is not in their best interest to keep this behavior.
the Cheater - "The behaviors are the visible
aspect of something going wrong in an individuals life. "
plays an important role in an addicts engagement in addiction pattern. Denial
is a persons psychological defense mechanism that enables a person to persist
in engaging in a particular behavior despite obvious negative consequences. Addicts
may deny they no longer have control over their addictive behavior until the consequences
become so overwhelming that they no longer can ignore
writing in the current issue of the journal Sexual Addiction and Compulsivity
report that many of the men and women who now spend dozens of hours each week
seeking sexual stimulation from their computers deny that they have a problem
and refuse to seek help until their marriages, their jobs, or both, are
some people, the route to compulsive use of the Internet for sexual satisfaction
is fast and short, said Dr. Mark Schwartz of the Masters and Johnson Institute
in St. Louis. 'Sex on the Net is like heroin,' he said. 'It grabs them and takes
over their lives. And it's very difficult to treat because
the people affected don't want to give it up.'
moments go bad in their life they go right back on the net destroying their relationship
if they get caught.
most strongly hooked on Internet sex are likely to spend hours each day masturbating
to pornographic images or having 'mutual' online sex with someone contacted through
a chat room. They convince their spouse porn is okay.
Internet users become
psychologically dependent on the feelings and experiences they get while using
the Internet, and that's what makes it difficult to control or stop.
We all long for true intimacy. Many people seek to fill that void by seeking sexual
relationships-whether real or fantasized-that promise to provide the relief, acceptance,
and fulfillment for which they long. But it is false intimacy. And as Dr. Harry
Schaumburg points out, "Sexual intimacy can't relieve
their deep, unmet longings."
can have intimacy in your relationship only when you are honest, truthful, no
more secrets and open about the significant things in your life. When you withhold
information and keep secrets, you create walls that act as a barricade to the
free flow of thoughts and feelings that invigorate your relationship. But when
you open up to each other, the window between you allows you to know each other
with nothing standing between you intimate way.
Tip of the Week
If the signs of infidelity point to an affair, the next step
is to find out if it is true. Many partners will initially deny the infidelity.
You should gather all the information you can about the affair before confronting
them about your suspicions.
To recover from an online affair, get your spouse off the internet. No more
contacts with these Other Persons. They will usually appear confused as to what
If there is certain peak moments when they need to be on
the net utilize this time by connecting with them. E.g. when they come home from
work encourage them to join you with a glass of wine or tea, light a candle, to
sit down, unwind, put some background music on, discuss -- to reconnect with you
putting the whole world aside for perhaps 1/2 hr.
certain people it's best to present them with a list of the facts about why you
believe a problem is developing. Next,
ask your partner what he or she thinks constitutes problematic versus recreational
and agreeable online activities. Often times there will be more agreement on this
than you imagine. The casual user will often respond well to this and either decrease
or stop the activities. The person with more of a problem may promise the same
but have trouble maintaining the agreed upon limits. Try the what if the shoe
was on the other foot effect. Follow up and reconnect with your spouse. Good relationships
take time. Don't issue ultimatums. Marriage will bring out the best or worst in
all of us. If your partner is unable to keep to an agreement, then it's undeniable
there is a problem -- at least one of trust. At that point a decision needs to
be made as to whether to consider an assessment by a couples therapist or other
mental health professional with expertise in this area.
express your views on cybersex and porn with your partner. Be specific about what
you won't tolerate such as lying, secret meetings, emotional intimacy, camming,
and sharing confidences with a member of the opposite sex. Be true to your feelings
and respect yourself.
Most of all you need to get them to Agree to stop
and Agree to recommit. Through awareness and understanding together you can. Get
them to assume responsibility for their actions.
The infidelity isn't about
you at all. Its all about them. Its about them feeling special, sexy, or even
wanted and needed.
Internet Infidelity Factors
Rage Turns Into Addiction
Infidelity or Infidelity
Instantly EXPOSE any affair
Haven't you waited long enough?