how to reconnect with your spouseHow to Reconnect With Your Spouse


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I've studied relationships for a long time, taking good notes on what things blissful couples do differently than those who have the typical relationship full of ups and downs. Nearly all "relationship" books focus on what couples are doing wrong. I'll let you know what couples are doing right.

Secrets to a Blissful Relationship - click here


how to reconnect with your spouse


How to Reconnect With Your Spouse

We all know how important communication skills are but how do you reconnect with your spouse?how to reconnect with your spouse


In this day and age with the large percentage of couples getting divorced, what are some of the ingredients that create a good and lasting marriage? Although, there are many more, I've listed some below.

1. Priority. First of all, if you want to make your marriage work, make your spouse the most important person in your life and your marriage a top priority. This means being willing to put the time, energy, and commitment to making it work. It's true that in order to get something in life we must be willing to give up something. To obtain something, such as having a good marriage, it may mean giving up something such as things, activities or people that interfere with or diminish your marriage. Alcoholism, drug addition, adultery and workaholism, for example, are all activities that interfere with creating and maintaining a good marriage.

2. Encouragement. Try to be encouraging and a motivating person to your spouse. Criticism and constant negative comments can destroy a good relationship. Most of us are bombarded with various stressful situations throughout the day. All of us need and want encouragement from our spouse. Try to make encouraging statements to your spouse every day. Be sincere and let your words flow from your heart. Look for small things that your spouse does well, such as cooking a tasty meal or attending to a household responsibility and compliment your spouse on what your spouse did well. The more you do this, the easier and more natural it will become. As you continue to do this for several weeks, months and years, you will watch your spouse's self-esteem and confidence blossom forth like a rose.

3. Fun. It's so easy to get bogged down with the many responsibilities of life. It's difficult to find time to just play and have fun. One of the best to ways to connect with your spouse is to find activities that you mutually enjoy doing. It can be something fairly simple such as taking a walk to something more elaborate like planning vacations together. The more days of sunshine and fun that you can have, the easier it will be to handle the stormy days that every marriage faces.

4. Communication. Try to be your spouse's best communicator and confidant. This means creating an atmosphere where your spouse feels that they can come to you and reveal to you what's on their mind and in their heart. This means trying to understand things from your spouse's point of view and putting yourself in "the other person's shoes." Try to be sensitive to your spouse's needs and try to find ways to help your spouse meet those needs.

5. Conflict resolution. There will be areas of conflict and disagreement in your marriage. It is normal for all couples to experience conflict in their marriage. What matters is how these conflicts are dealt with. Learn how to negotiate disagreements in a respectful manner. Learn to view conflict in your marriage as a challenge and as an opportunity for growth. This takes a lot of work, patience and practice. Resolving conflicts in a respectful manner will make your marriage stronger.

6. Commitment. It's easy to love your spouse when your spouse is being pleasant and when things in your life are going well. It's a lot more difficult to love your spouse when your spouse is not being pleasant and when things in your life are not going well. Commitment involves being true to yourself, your spouse and your marriage vows. It means trying to endure the difficult times, "for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us part."

Some of you as you read this are probably thinking, "Yeah, all that sounds real nice, but you don't know me, my spouse or what we've been through." You're right, I don't know. What I do know is that you will reap what you sow when you apply the above principles. Perfect marriages don't exist in the real world but couples who are willing to put the time, energy and commitment to making their marriage work, will be able to reap the flame of love and keep their marriage growing.

Please be honest with yourself -- Does the connection between you and your man seem like it's faded a bit? Does he seem cold and distant, and you're not sure how to bring him back?

If you said yes to either of those questions, then please, STOP what you are doing right now and go here to see what this expert has to say -- he may hold the key to unlocking your man's heart and opening the doors to the relationship you've ALWAYS wanted

Learn more, Melt Your Mans Heart

Lasting Relationships

Love means always having to show you're sorry.

You’re not really sorry until you:
1. say what you did wrong;
2. acknowledge how it hurt, disappointed, or upset your spouse;
3. admit you were wrong to do it and then apologize;
4. say what you are going to do to correct it and make sure it doesn’t happen again;
5. ask those people you upset how you can make it up to them and then do it.

Make your spouse aware of this!

According to Mark Goulston, M.D. "given time there is a road back, but it takes practicing the 4 R’s to respond to the 4 H’s you triggered in the other person. The HURT, HATE (for taking away trust and safety), hesitation to trust (and be re-hurt by you) and holding on to a grudge (to protect themselves from accidentally lowering their guard) you caused in them needs respectively from you:

1. REMORSE (to show that you know you damaged something in them and you’re truly sorry, with no excuses);
2. RESTITUTION (a payback for what you took away from them);
3. REHABILITATION (to let them see a new way of dealing with those situations that you actually prefer to your old destructive behavior);
4. a REQUEST for their forgiveness after practicing those 3 R’s for a minimum of 6 months.

If the other person is still unable to forgive you after that, you are no longer unforgivable, they are unforgiving.

It’s clear what is in it for you if they forgive you, but what’s in it for them? When you earnestly practice the 4 R’s above, you enable the person you injured to go from fear and loathing to feeling safe and even liking you again---and that feeling is called, “euphoria.”

Written by Mark Goulston, M.D., author of The 6 Secrets of a Lasting Relationship

Feeling Emotionally Disconnected?

The good news is that you can reconnect with your spouse. But doing so, says Gary Neuman, author of Emotional Infidelity: How to Avoid It and 10 Other Secrets to a Great Marriage requires you to be unflinchingly honest with yourself and your behaviors.

You've got to make a commitment to turn things around, set guidelines for your relationship, and work toward a better future together. His four-point connection plan ensures that you and your spouse are constantly putting loving energy into your relationship.

Have Five Touch Points a Day
Touch your spouse lovingly at least five times a day. Kissing, hugging, and hand holding are all healthy touch points. Try to make each touch point meaningful, letting your spouse know that he or she is in your thoughts every day.

Have Four Talk Points a Week
The average couple talks only four minutes a day. It's no wonder spouses don't feel close and loved. Four days a week, plan at least 45 minutes when you can be alone together and do something you both enjoy. These aren't times to talk about problems, but rather to increase your easygoing time together.

Have a Weekly Date Night
One night a week, come hell or high water, you and your spouse should go out alone to enjoy each other's company. You can do anything, go anywhere, and talk about anything except three things: money, children, and work (unless it's exciting stufffor example, I got a promotion).

The Honeymoon Night
At least once a month (this may coincide with date night), plan a fabulous night of romance and lovemaking. Plan the details: a wonderful meal; a fun time out on a date; a romantic movie anything that screams "romance" to you. Make this the recharging night that will advance your relationship beyond words.

© 2004-2012
Please note: The suggestions and advice offered on this web site are opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice. If you or someone close to you is currently in crisis or in an emergency situation, contact your local emergency 911 or a Counselor nearby