Healing the Pain of Infidelity
the Pain of Infidelity to Make Your Marriage Stronger
By: Dr. Ellen Kreidman, Ph. D.
been with someone else." Those words are like a wrecking ball that crashes
through your life. The roller coaster ride that comes with infidelity is filled
with hurt, betrayal, anger, love, threats, hope and depression. It may seem like
your marriage is over... but its not.
you may not think so, your pain will force you to grow. Pain is our greatest teacher.
Regardless of where the pain comes from, there are always lessons to be learned.
Physical pain alerts you to a problem in your body that needs attention. Emotional
pain does the same thing. It tells you that there is a lesson that you need to
learn so you can grow stronger. It usually forces you to look inside and ultimately
to stretch, grow, and gain more knowledge and understanding about yourself and
I have told thousands of people in your situation is, You can use this pain
to make your marriage so strong, that no one and nothing can ever come between
the two of you again or you can let your pain lead to the end your marriage. If
you choose the first statement, I promise that I can help you have a different
marriage and the healing will begin.|
know its easy to blame your spouse and especially the other person involved,
but its much harder to look at yourself and ask, Was there something
lacking in me that made my spouse want to connect with another person? Thousands
of men and women, just like you, have learned how to use the pain of infidelity
to make their marriages better than ever!
were married for 8 years when I finally found out my husband was cheating. The
crazy hours, nights, weekends - how could I have been so naïve! I lost all
respect for him and felt so violated. If it weren't for the kids and lack of finances,
I would have left. Over time, we learned to tolerate each other. He was sorry
for what he did but I made him pay for it everyday.
One night I fell asleep
on the couch and when I woke up at 2:00 A.M. there you were on TV talking about
why people have affairs. It was hard looking at myself and for the first time
understanding that what I said, what I did and what I didn't do, all contributed
to him finding someone else. You were right, it takes 2 people to have an affair
and once I took responsibility for my part, the healing began." Shannon T.
23 years I've helped couples understand the reasons why infidelity has happened
and how to prevent it from ever happening again. I have never found a case where
a man or woman woke up one day and spontaneously decided to go out and have an
affair. Its a decision that happens due to months or years of neglect and
being taken for granted. If you use infidelity as a wake-up call, you can have
a better marriage than you ever dreamed possible.
Infidelity Happened In The First Place?
is an eye-opening fact that Oprah had me repeat 3 times when I was backstage on
her show. It really does explain the "Why" of marital infidelity.
man falls in love because of the way he feels about himself when he is with a
woman. When he doesnt feel good anymore hes going to find another
woman who does make him feel good. Thats what an affair is all about. Its
not that hes in love with the other woman. What hes really in love
with is the way he feels about himself when hes with the other woman. A
woman feels the same way. Do you know how many times a woman will say to me, Dr.
Ellen, now that Im in love, I feel beautiful, I feel sexy, I feel special
and needed. We have a right to feel like that for the rest of our lives,
and when we dont, we try to find someone else who will make us feel good.
was doing a radio show in Texas and a man called up and said, I dont
believe this. I dropped a hamburger in my lap. I went to a pay phone and just
had to call you up to tell you that what youre saying is so true. For three
years I have been having an affair and I couldnt put into words why! My
wife is pretty, shes intelligent and shes the pillar of the community.
But the truth is that I feel like nothing when Im with my wife
and I feel like a king when Im with this other woman.
I spoke to a
woman who had been married for 9 years and started to have feelings for someone
she worked with. She said, My husband is successful, smart, good-looking
but the other guy makes me feel beautiful and special.
people think that if they were better-looking or had more money, then things would
be different. Its not about getting thinner, better looking or making more
money. Some of the wealthiest people in the world are by themselves; some of the
people on earth are lonely. This is about how another human
being feels about themselves when theyre with you. So, it isnt about
me, but how does my husband feel about himself every time hes with me. And,
it isnt about my husband, but how do I feel about myself when Im with
him. If we both make each other feel so good about who we are, why would we ever
want to be with anyone else?
have the ability to make another human being feel that they are important, special,
attractive, sexy, intelligent, funny, wanted and needed. Thats what a loving
marriage is all about and thats the lesson that needs to be learned. If
you do, your spouse will never
again want to be with anyone but you!
Ellen Kreidman is a highly acclaimed relationship expert and the author of the
best-selling programs, Light His Fire and Light Her Fire. For an effective way
to deal with infidelity without marriage counseling, visit. www.LightYourFire.com.
Melt Your Mans Heart