Cheating Spouse

Cheating Spouse


cheating spouse Cheating Spouse - Do You Have a Cheating Spouse?
Be careful if the cheating spouse frequently complains that you are not meeting her/his emotional needs. The telltale sign of infidelity is a history of cheating in the partner’s family or earlier in the partner’s life. Watch for changes in your pattern of lovemaking or other signs of attitude or personality change. Is she suddenly getting cosmetic surgery or is he dressing in ways that are out of character? Look out for flirtatious behavior in a cheating spouse or having an unusual number of close friends of the opposite sex. Opportunities to cheat, such as working late or overnight business trips, increase the risk. Low self-esteem, depression, and alcoholism often lead to seeking solace in the arms of someone else. Since adultery requires deception, watch for lies that might signal sexual infidelity.

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Why Women Cheat?
Women are concerned about their partner becoming attracted to other women by sex, intelligence, and other attractions, and dissatisfaction with the current relationship. Thus, women feel multiple threats. Women are more concerned with maintaining the relationship; they worry about losing love; they feel inadequate first, then jealous. It is in this intensive worry and spying stage that they go here for more.


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Cheating Spouse

The Cheating Spouse or Cheating Partner

What Everyone Needs to Know About the Cheating Spouse...and what you can do to help by Dr. Robert Huizenga, The Infidelity Coach

Maybe you will know. You will see telltale signs. You will notice changes in the person's habits and behavioral patterns as well as a detachment, lack of focus and reduced productivity. Maybe you will sense something 'out of character' but be unable to pinpoint what it is.

It is not a given that he/she will tell you. Those hiding the affair will continue to hide. The 'victim' of the extramarital affair often, at least initially, is racked with anger, hurt, embarrassment and thoughts of failing that preclude divulging the crisis.

It might be important to confront the person with your observations, depending on the status of your relationship with the person.

cheating spouseIt is important to understand that extramarital affairs are different and serve different purposes.

Briefly, some extramarital affairs are reactivity to a perceived lack of intimacy in the marriage. Others arise out of addictive tendencies or a history of sexual confusion or trauma.

Some in our culture play out issues of entitlement and power by becoming 'trophy chasers.' This 'boys will be boys' mentality is subtly encouraged in some contexts. Some become involved in marital infidelity because of a high need for drama and excitement and are enthralled with the idea of 'being in love' and having that 'loving feeling.'

An extramarital affair might be for revenge either because the spouse did or did not do something. Or the revenge may stem from rage. Although revenge is the motive for both, they look and feel very different.

Another form of infidelity serves the purpose of affirming personal desirability. A nagging question of being 'OK' may lead to usually a short-term and one-person affair. And finally, some affairs are a dance that attempts to balance needs for distance and intimacy in the marriage, often with collusion from the spouse.

The prognosis for survivability of the marriage is different for each. Some affairs are the best thing that happens to a marriage. Others serve a death knell. As well, different extramarital affairs demand different strategies on the part of the spouse or others. Some demand toughness and movement. Others demand patience and understanding.

The emotional impact of the discovery of infidelity is usually profound. Days and weeks of sleeplessness, rumination, fantasies (many sexual) and unproductivity follow. It typically takes 2 – 4 years to 'work through' the implications. A good coach or therapist can accelerate and mollify the process. I don't recommend 'marriage' counseling, at least initially.

The devastating emotional impact results from a couple powerful dynamics. Trust is shattered – of one's ability to discern the truth. The most important step is NOT to learn to trust the other person, but to learn to trust one's self. Another is the power that a secret plays in relationships. THE secret exacts an emotional and sometimes physical toll that needs to be acknowledged and dealt with.

How can you help?

Those in the midst of their affair crisis told me they need this from you:

1. Sometimes I want to vent, get it out without censor. I know sometimes I will say what I shouldn't be saying. It may not be nice, pretty or mild. Please know that I know better, but I need to get it off my chest.

2. Every so often I want to hear something like, 'This too shall pass.' Remind me that this is not forever.

3. I want to be validated. I want to know that I am OK. You can best do that by nodding acceptance when I talk about the pain or confusion.

4. I want to hear sometimes, 'What are you learning? What are you doing to take care of yourself?' I may need that little jolt that moves me beyond my pain to see the larger picture.

5. I may want space. I may want you to be quiet and patient as I attempt to sort through and express my thoughts and feelings. Give me some time to stammer, stutter and stumble my way through this.

6. I want someone to point out some new options or different roads that I might take. But before you do this, make sure I am first heard and validated.

7. When they pop into your mind, recommend books or other resources that you think I might find helpful.

8. I want to hear every so often, 'How's it going?' And, I may want this to be more than an informal greeting. Give me time and space to let you know exactly how it IS going.

9. I want you to understand and welcome the ambivalent feelings and desires. I would like you to be fairly comfortable with the gray areas and the contradictions about how I feel and what I may want.

10. I want you to be predictable. I want to be able to count on you to be there, listen and speak consistently or let me know when you are unable to do that. I will honor that.

Extramarital affairs are powerful. Affairs are costly. They affect family, friends, colleagues and employers. Infidelity is also an opportunity – to redesign one's life and love relationships in ways that create honor, joy and true intimacy.
Dr. Robert Huizenga, The Infidelity Coach, has helped hundreds of couples over the past two decades heal from the agony of extramarital affairs and survive infidelity. Visit his website click here


Cheating Spouse Online - Internet Infidelity

With the proliferation of cyber-relationships, couples are re-drawing the lines of cheating. I think you're playing with fire when you start an online relationship.

cheating spouseYou never know how or who the person you're chatting with is interpreting your comments.

But to a growing number of therapists and family counselors, X-rated Web sites and online forums, or "sex-cussion groups," are also playing an increasing role in the breakup of marriages.

"I decided to specialize in the treatment of addictions," says Robin Rayford, a Troy psychotherapist. "I expected most of my patients would be chemical and alcohol abusers. But I've been stunned to find that sexual addiction is becoming a major problem. And in virtually every case of sexual addiction, I'm finding the Internet is involved."

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The Down-Low Same-Sex Infidelity

The Down Low defined by Ruth Houston Infidelity Expert writer of: Is He Cheating on You?: 829 Telltale Signs,
“Down low” is the term used to describe the behavior of Black men who secretly have sex with other men while in marriages or relationships with other women. The men who do this do not consider themselves to be gay. The term “down low” originated in the Black community, and is used almost exclusively to describe Black men. But men of all races engage in this behavior.

The down low is not a “black thing” or a “gay thing” – it’s an infidelity thing. The down low is basically another form of infidelity. The difference, however, is that rather than cheating with a woman, a man on the down low is cheating with another man. I prefer to call it “same sex infidelity.” J.L. King is (author of On the Down Low - On the Down Low: A Journey Into the Lives of "Straight" Black Men Who Sleep with Men

Not an Uncommon Situation says Ruth Houston who knows the signs. The situation is common enough to warrant its own support groups such as the Straight Spouse Network, Gay Married Men’s Association, and Wives of Bi/Gay Men, just to name a few.

Don't bypass the health consequences of the rising number of HIV cases within the African-American community, especially among straight Black women, has made Terry’s fear of HIV/AIDS exposure a valid cause for concern. A man on the down low who engages in unprotected sex poses a health threat to his unsuspecting female partner by putting her at risk for HIV/AIDS.

Most women are oblivious to the fact that their man is on the down low. This typical of women with cheating husbands – even when the man is cheating with another woman. Most infidelity goes undetected.

Most of the signs of a man on the down low will be very subtle, since the whole idea is not to call attention to himself and his behavior. Be alert for suspicious non-verbal communication between your husband / boyfriend and other men -. a look, a touch, or hug that lasts a little too long or has undertones of intimacy. If you get an uneasy feeling about certain of his male friends, trust your intuition. Your subconscious mind is probably picking up some of the more subtle telltale signs.

Assessing the Cheating Spouse Threat

We may spy on our lover and the rival; we probably lie awake nights worrying about the situation and reviewing the evidence, "Did she come on to him?," "I wonder if he has talked to her?," "Does he love her?," "Wonder if everybody but me knows about it?" Men are consciously more concerned about their partner finding someone who will offer a more secure, committed relationship. Men are more concerned (than women) about protecting or re-building their egos if they are "beaten out" by another man; they worry about their partner having sex with someone else (but they'd probably blame the partner if that did happen). Men see a threat and feel jealous first, then worry that something is wrong with them.

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Cheating Spouse - How to Have Positive Conflict

Are you fighting too much, saying destructive things and in completely opposite sides of the issues?Are you feeling despondent, lonely and terrified of the future. Wendy cried for almost a week, before calming down and beginning to think on what to do to save my marriage. She went to her priest and then to a counselor, and both were adamant on helping her to accept the situation, which to them was hopeless. Find out how Wendy found how to avoid conflict - click here

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Please note: The suggestions and advice offered on this web site are opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice. If you or someone close to you is currently in crisis or in an emergency situation, contact your local emergency 911 or a Counselor nearby